Obsessed

I have become obsessed with my melasma.  I stare in the mirror, at close range, to see if it has spread and darkened.  I began to research causes and treatments online whenever I can.  I look at others faces and wonder why they don’t have it and I do.  I tell people like my hairdresser and massage therapist.  I guess I feel that they are going to notice it but out of politeness won’t say anything, but still wonder, “what’s with her face?”, so I might as well bring it out in the open and tell them.  I talk about it probably too consistently with my friends and family.  I think they are getting sick of me talking about it.  I wear hats most of the time, complain that I can’t be in the sun and scurry to the shade like an insect.  I have been called, “hat lady”, “vampire” and “movie-star” (hence the big hats and big sunglasses).  There are days I become very disappointment, angry, frustrated, fearful, sad and depressed because of it.  It has changed many things about me.  Not only the way I dress in terms of hats, but also how much time I spend looking at myself in the mirror or window. I have cut my hair to have bangs to hide the discoloration on my forehead. I decline to do outdoor activities with my friends. And I have stopped hobbies that I love like swimming, going to sporting events, skiing, and surfing.

There are times I tell myself to stop being so vain.  But it is my face.  It is what I and everyone else recognizes me by.  It is the first thing they look at when I introduce myself or say hi.  It is not life threatening and "it could be worse", but it still depresses me.